hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
