At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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