My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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