Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
a search helicopter?!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
