Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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