you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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