Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
nutella sex= disaster
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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