Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize