Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
