Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
