why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
