He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
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