my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize