i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
