my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
