I met the friendliest cop last night
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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