all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize