We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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