if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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