I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
