just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
