This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
