Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize