My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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