So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
