We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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