Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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