I bet he comes in French.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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