you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
