Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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