Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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