No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
