so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I won't apologize to a one balled man
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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