dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
