you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
