I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
