Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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