There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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