The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
