Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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