I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
