There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
