my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
that is very illegal...i love you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
