My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize