you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
