new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
