What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i think i just lost a toe
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
