What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
