Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Boobs speak an international language.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize