I'm jealous of your bromance
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and she was petting her beer can
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
