I love black thongs
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
