you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
