literally had 100 drinks last night.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
