It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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