I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
