so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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