I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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