I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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