meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
