there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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