Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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