1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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