I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize