Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
