ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
