Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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