How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
