Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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