there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
