I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
